how to make friends & influence people, Udaipur



he's with the band



shameless groupie






temple boy

bella on the left

don’t tell Giorgio…





Sartorially speaking, what’s the one item of clothing you really couldn’t do without when backpacking your way around India? Yes you’re right, a bespoke suit of course. Now considering neither of us has a job that actually requires you to wear a suit we’re not really sure how it happened, but two hours, several chais and a chocolate ball later we left Little Armani tailors having purchased two suits, two shirts, a tunic and a pair of churidar trousers. Please can somebody arrange a formal event very soon?

the name's Udaipur, Udaipur Rajasthan

After the trauma of the past 28 hours of travel, we opted for the quieter area of Udaipur. After a recommendation from some Aussies we met along the way, we made it to the Hanuman Ghat Hotel, and the very friendly owner Baba. Unfortunately on our arrival he was having a quick 40 winks, on account of the fact that his daughter gave birth to his tenth grandchild that morning.  But the night's activities were already taken care of…… for those of you who don’t know the Roger Moore classic Octopussy was filmed here in 1983, and they still seem  to be milking it some 20+ years later. Not only are there restaurants and shops named after it, our hotel has a nightly screening of it at 19.30 sharp.

hello baby(s)

Here's the candle we lit in the Santa Cruz Basilica, Fort Kochin for all the expectant mum's we'd left nesting eggs back home. Wishing a very warm welcome then to Bess Ewing Hardwicke, little sister to Winne, and James Hovee Howes, little brother to Bess...hmm this could get confusing. Hope mums and dads and little ones are all doing well.

GPS failure on Mumbai’s busiest motorway

Picture the scene. Two meek and mild western folk need to take a bus from an unfamiliar suburb (Santacruz) of one of India’s busiest cities and are given simply a landmark and the name of a bridge to find the boarding point. Plus it’s rush hour. What could possibly go wrong?

First lesson learnt. If, particularly on the phone, an indian person doesn’t understand you they will just agree with what you are saying, even if it’s wrong. That’s how we found ourselves waiting in the wrong place BEHIND the Reliance Energy Building in Santacruz east. It did seem like an odd place to board a bus but then again, 4 security guards and their dogs had all taken a look at our ticket and after much head waggling pronounced that ‘yes, you can board the bus here’. We were actually supposed to be on the other side of that building on the hard shoulder (imagine waiting for a bus under the Westway in London and you get the idea). After several panicked and indecipherable phone calls to (who we thought was) the driver trying to direct us to the right spot on an unfamiliar motorway where the bus, already full of passengers from Mumbai central with a tight schedule to keep, was waiting, we had two options. Start crying or send out an SOS. Suddenly, from out of the smog and diesel fumes our mystery guardian angel (Reliance Energy staffer) appeared and intercepted the phone call, while simultaneously hailing a rickshaw to take us on to the next stop.

Just in time we reached the next stop and were greeted by a fleet of indian bus staff and passengers cheering us on to board the bus. Turns out the guy we’d been speaking to was in fact a passenger who was just trying to help! Sheepishly we boarded the bus…What a great start to a 15 hour overnight bus journey.

neck brace? what neck brace?





Next, imagine being concealed in a coffin being thrown down a flight of stairs repeatedly for 15 hours. Then imagine underneath our bunks 5 of the grannies from the Kumars at No. somethingorother show who wouldn’t stop talking/cackling/producing pungent smelling foodstuff’s from plastic bags long into the night.  Were they perhaps on some kind of hindu hen do? To make matters worse after paying top dollar for a ‘luxury AC’ bus tickets in desperation after our train tickets failed to make it off the waiting list, Andy’s vent was stuck on permanent full-blast mode right over his head rendering a blast of artic air, akin to the ‘cool shot’ mode on a hairdryer, onto him all through the night. Bleary eyed, a little stiff and with mouth’s drier than Gandi’s flip flop,  really, we reached Udaipur city 15 minutes early at 9.45am.

hello Mumbai

11.20am Spicejet flight to Mumbai International

farewell Kerala

‘hold out your trunks for inspection’

So there we were talking a stroll, just trying to, ahem, blend in, when over the breeze came the sound of a distant drumming. Soon we were surrounded by these guys on their way to the local temple….

some cool things we found in Fort Cochin

No.1 Dal Roti restaurant. Very tasty kati rolls (like Leon wraps only better), worth the hype and the queue. Props to Maryann at Red’s Residency (our lovely homestay) for the tip off.

 No.2 Mad Dogs Trust. So many poorly, mangy muts but at least here there is a charity, set up by a british couple, trying to help. Dig deep animal lovers!

chinese fishing nets

shabby chic doorways

the man from delmonte makes a mean pineapple juice

No.3 We saw our first elephants……

around Alleppey

and we thought the Ritzy seats were uncomfortable.



someone contact Cilla, Bella's longlost relatives in Alleppey



ninety not out...

Animal print obviously runs in the family.

Today's post is dedicated to Bella's nana, the formidable and always immaculately turned-out Betty Binns. Today is her 90th birthday and yes, she's still going strong. Not bad eh?

Happy Birthday nana, we're so sorry we're going to miss your shindig but please raise a glass for us! Hope the flowers arrived safely and that you have a wonderful day.

Alleppey's backwaters, sponsored by Vodaphone

This one goes out to Dee. Remember when we did those ads for a certain mobile phone provider a few years back and everything had to be that specific shade of red? We should have just come here. Maybe it has something to do with the three huge phone masts we noticed lurking amongst the palm trees, but you're never more than a few metres from a piece of Vodaphone branding on the backwaters. NB. most of these aren't even recharge points, they are signs for local convenience stores, chai stands or boat jettys. Weird huh?

24 days in and we haven't had turn to these guys...yet.

campest security office ever

friday night is beach night – grab your balaclava

Alleppey beach looked a little desolate at first but once the roasting hot sun had started to dip a little in the sky, every man and his camel decided to hit the beach. Parties of smartly dressed school children, families and groups of posing teenagers in their best chest hugging vests all came out to salute the sunset. But what should one wear on a 30+ degree evening out at the seaside? The answer was obvious when we clapped eyes on this little chap. Of course, a balaclava! Or bridesmaid dress, or even earmuffs and a woolly hat. Really, anything goes.

menu misspelling of the week

The subeditor in me just won’t let it lie…

Harbour Restaurant, Alleppey beach

pimp my ride

Tom, Em, Elliot (aka Family Schneish) how about a new paint job for Jolene?

swat team

Waging a one-woman war on mosquitoes, Bella's hand clapping technique took no prisoners (complete with gory blood splatters).

the ferry that rocked

 at the refreshment stop andy sampled the local brew. No, we'd never heard of it either.

We made our escape from Kollam on the good ship DTCP (tourist office ferry) to Alleppey, Rs400 per person. The journey took 8 hours travelling along the lakes and backwaters north towards Kochi. We were sharing the journey with a handful of other tourists, the ferry’s friendly crew and one bedraggled rat. Despite that it was very relaxing. Every few minutes you’d notice someone taking a dip, or a pristinely dressed school child waving at you from their waterside classroom. Not to mention the other vessels, Kerala’s famous bamboo house boats and small fishing canoes bobbing along. Oh and the floating duck farm. Why don’t they just swim or fly away we pondered? Perhaps they are sporting tiny anchor weights on each leg below the surface.

Lonely Planet misrepresentation of the week

‘Tiny Kollam is the sleepy southern approach to Kerala’s backwaters.’
Cue fume choked streets, roads impossible to cross and the soundtrack of continual horn beeping.

puppy’s new adventures

Everywhere we go malnourished, rather mangy looking dogs seem to appear. The poor things are never going to win any awards at Crufts, but you know us soft touches, we just can’t be nasty to them. The locals seem to have no trouble deterring them but with our English politeness and tasty looking ankle bones, we are proving magnetic to them. We’ve come up with a generic nickname for them all, ‘Nippy’, after a near miss or two staying at the Govt guest house. One very goofy dog even managed to infiltrate our bedroom and the only way we could get him out was to use me as bait! Now pretty glad we got those rabies shots after all.

really? no fruit?

Sampling Pepsico’s finest cold beverages.

without a paddle...

We took a serene trip on the backwaters nr Kollam to a place called Munroe Island.  Eight passengers on a hand carved wooden canoe, punting through palm shaded waterways less than 2 metres wide in some places, with a charming guide called Sudisarran plus stops for all-important chai. As we set off he asked everyone in the boat their nationalities (2 Polish, 1 French,  4 British and one Czech). It was fun having to squash right down in the bottom on the boat as we slithered under very low bridges limbo style. Of course this can also be a problem if you’re distracted by the sights and taking lots of pictures. Cue near miss when our friend, the flame-haired Czech lady was momentarily distracted by something in the distance just as we were approaching one of the aforementioned low bridges. In a panic our guide started to shout ‘Czech Republic, Czech Republic, please be careful’ ! She dipped down just in time. We couldn’t stop laughing.

diet don’ts - padma café, Kollam

Sampling India’s answer to the Cornish Pasty, Masala Dosa. Washed down with a fresh, sweet lassi. Dairy intolerance, what dairy intolerance? Seriously though, as we were informed by a very friendly doctor we met a few days ago, Kerala has the highest incidence of diabetes in India, with all this deep fried cuisine, we’re starting to see why. Next stop Rajasthan with the highest rate of heart disease due to all the ghee used in cooking. Erm…

government guest house, Kollam

This was our cheapest hotel room in India so far. 250 Rs. Bigger than our old flat….

The only other residents were these giant bees and some over-sniffy dogs but on day two some delightfully eccentric brits on a painting course arrived, one was wearing a pith helmet! (No, it wasn't Andy's dad).